Tag Archives: disappointment

Helping Your Child Through Breakups

Helping Your Child Through Breakups. Episode #18 - Raising Kids Who Can Cope

Episode #18 in the “Raising Kids Who Can Cope” Series

Click arrow to listen to the 90-second podcast.

We all want to raise kids who are emotionally and socially intelligent and are able to recover from disappointment to grow stronger every day into adulthood

Breakups can be difficult for teenagers. Whether it’s breaking up with a first love or the drifting apart of childhood friends the ending of a relationship can be a traumatic time for male and female teens.  It can be tricky sometimes to know the difference between what we think our children want and what they actually need during these difficult situations. When our child is hurting from a breakup we instinctively want to help them and make them feel better.

Talking is one of the best medicines for a broken heart.  Emphasizing with our teens and letting them know we’re there to talk about the breakup when they’re ready is a great way to show love and support.  We shouldn’t force teens into talking about their breakup.  They might not be ready to talk or would rather talk to their friends. If they do decide to talk to us it’s important to listen and show empathy.

Writing can also be a good outlet for teens to express their pain.  That means writing in a journal or diary not all over social media.  Telling them not to put their whole heart out on the internet is good advice to give anyone.  Remind them that the things they say on the internet can be seen by more than just their friends and what they say could make them look bad and can’t truly be taken back once on the internet.

Finally, telling teens “get over it”, or “you two were never going to work out anyways” may seem to us like helping but doesn’t show empathy. On the other had we don’t want to get wrapped up in our child’s emotions and badmouth their ex. Instead we should model our behavior by choosing the words we use to talk about their ex carefully and talking about how we understand breakups can be very painful and our own experiences with them.

Raising Kids Who Can Cope is a 28-part series developed to build skills, knowledge and awareness in adults who play a role in young people’s lives. It is brought to you by Jackson County UW-Extension and Together for Jackson County Kids. Find out more at Raising Kids Who Can Cope.

References

Ginsburg, K. R. (2011). Building Resiliency in Children and Teens. Grove Village IL: American Academy of Pediatrics.

Healthy Ways to Handle Rejection

Healthy Ways to Handle Rejection. Episode #17 - Raising Kids Who Can Cope

Episode #17 in the “Raising Kids Who Can Cope” Series

Click arrow to listen to the 90-second podcast.

We all want to raise kids who are emotionally and socially intelligent and are able to recover from disappointment to grow stronger every day into adulthood

Rejection is a part of everyday life. In the adult world, rejection may be as serious as a break up or a missed job opportunity, or it can be as minor as someone disagreeing with our idea. We choose how to handle both small and large rejections, and how we role model our responses sets the tone for our children.

We’ve all seen and recognize unhealthy responses. However, healthy reactions have three main parts. First, it helps to acknowledge our disappointment. Depending on the seriousness of the situation, it may take some time to work through our feelings. This is normal as long as it doesn’t keep us from our daily lives.

Next, evaluate the experience. In some situations, we learn from what happened and improve our performance next time. In others, the other person may simply have been looking for something different than what we had to offer, and it wasn’t about us at all. It is important to recognize the difference between opportunities for growth and experiences to merely put behind us.

Finally, we prepare ourselves to try again whether it’s selling a product, building a relationship, or applying for a job. We learn from the earlier rejection and try again to reach our goals.

Rejection can be a challenge, as well as an opportunity for reflection and growth. The more we model healthy responses, the better lessons our children will learn.

Raising Kids Who Can Cope is a 28-part series developed to build skills, knowledge and awareness in adults who play a role in young people’s lives. It is brought to you by Jackson County UW-Extension and Together for Jackson County Kids. Find out more at Raising Kids Who Can Cope.

References

Ginsburg, K. R. (2011). Building Resiliency in Children and Teens. Grove Village IL: American Academy of Pediatrics.